Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Preschool and Heartache

Last month Josh took the girls in for the Dial-4 screening. They went through this screening process with the school district last October and that was when we were told for the first time they have  severe speech delay. This October after their screening, we were told they qualify for the school districts early childhood program and they will be starting pre-k next Monday (December 2nd). They will no longer meet with their speech therapist twice a week, instead they will receive assistance daily in their classroom. They will attend preschool 4 days a week for 3 hours each afternoon.
I am so grateful they will get to have this experience and they will benefit so much from all of the extra therapy time, but with it also comes a lot more mama guilt. I've posted before that I hate being away from Lillian and Claire so much during the week. I have missed out on so much with them over the last 4 months since I have started back to work. I have not been able to take them to any of their speech appointment, I actually have never even met their current speech therapist, Josh takes them most days. This past week though has been even more difficult for me, I cried myself to sleep one night last week because I would not be there to drop them off or pick them up from their first day of pre-k. I won't be the one making sure their shoes are on the correct feet or their hair isn't a complete mess. I won't be the one double checking backpacks or taking pictures of them as they walk into their classroom for the first time. Instead, I will be sitting in my office and counting down the hours until I get pick them up and hope they tell me about their day. Unfortunately, Josh will also be working so he won't be able to do these things either. We are lucky and have found a wonderful babysitter for the girls, they love her and so do we. She will be the one dropping them off for their first day on Monday and after that they will start taking the bus most days (which is also very scary to me).
Josh was with them today for their last speech session with their therapist. He was with them today to meet their teachers and see their classrooms. It breaks my heart that I am missing out on all of this, especially when it is because of a job that I don't fully enjoy. We're not even going to get into that one. I think this blog is slowly a pity party of one. I promise my next post will be much more exciting and not such a downer.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I could just hug you right now. Transition is hard, but your attitude of the girls getting the help they need is great. I would feel the same way about being away at work, so I really wish I could just squeeze you tight and hand you some wine. Hang in there and as always, you're an amazing mom.