I have been back to work for 5 weeks now and it has really been taking a toll on our family and the life we are used to. I have worked almost continuously since Lillian and Claire have been born, but this is the first time in 3 years since I have worked full time outside of our home.
I am enjoying my job, but our evenings always seem packed full and bedtime gets pushed much later than it should most nights. Those three hours from when I walk out of the doors at work and until bedtime flies by. I run to pick the girls up from the sitter, rush home to try and make a decent dinner, eat, clean up dinner, spend a little bit of family time together and then it is time to get Lillian and Claire ready for bed.
We do get a lot more snuggle time in during those short evenings treasure those minutes we do have as a family. I wish more than anything I could stay home or I could find something part time that would allow me to have more time with Lillian and Claire, especially since this is their last year before the start kindergarten.
Claire broke my heart tonight while we were in the car. She said, "mommy, do you think you could ask your boss for a stay home day so you can spend it with us?"
This evening when I got home for work I sat and snuggled with the girls and chatted with them while Josh worked on dinner. He asked if I could come into the kitchen to help for a minute. Lillian refused to let go of me, she said, "I need snuggles now because I didn't get to snuggle you this morning."
The wave bye every morning while I pull away from our house, the sitters or grandma's, depending where they are that day. The days they are home, they come running down to the garage as soon as they hear the garage door open and most of the time I am not even out of the car yet.
I miss my girls. I feel blessed that I was able to spend be a part of so much their first four years, but now I feel like I am missing out on so much. I am no longer the one taking them to speech therapy twice a week, taking them to the playground or play dates, I am not the one working on their letters or getting covered in glue and glitter while crafting with them. I spend my day sitting at my desk and looking at my picture of them missing them and wishing I with them.
Playing the comparison game
1 day ago